


If You Can't Stand the Heat

by punkrockgaia



Series: Fun with Geometry! [3]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Heat Fic, M/M, Silly, mentions of minor bodily harm, mentions of property destruction, surprisingly not smutty for a heat fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 19:16:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11881053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkrockgaia/pseuds/punkrockgaia
Summary: Even after years in Night Vale, Carlos still has things to learn.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, All! This is a part of my Fun With Geometry series, and I swear I'll get to finishing Arcs and Tangents soon, but this idea has been with me for a while and I finally (I think) figured out how it works. Thanks for reading!

Earl slipped into the break room at Tourniquet and pulled his phone out of his pocket to find a panicked series of text messages:

SCIENCE BOY: Earl cme home   
SCIENCE BOY: There’s smothing rognw w/C  
SCIENCE BOY: Hrry!  
SCIENCE BOY: [emojis of a dinosaur, a hamburger, and a dolphin playing the accordion]

With a shouted apology to his boss and a squealing of tires, Earl appeared in the driveway of his shared home less than 10 minutes later. He haphazardly parked his truck, ran up the walk, and threw open the door, shouting at the top of his lungs.

“Carlos? Cee? Where a—“ An invisible wave crashed over him and nearly knocked him off his feet. He staggered back and gripped the edge of the kitchen island just as Carlos emerged from the bedroom, looking wide-eyed and flustered in Cecil’s fuzzy dressing gown, a large hickey blooming on his neck.

“Earl, thank _god_ you’re home, Cecil’s not acting like himself, well, technically he is, but more so than usual and I —“

“We gotta get outta here, I need air!” Earl gasped, dragging Carlos out onto the patio. As he slid the door shut, he could hear a faint “Early, is that you?” waft plaintively from the abandoned boudoir. Red-faced and sweating from his hairline, he gulped the hot desert air.

“Are you okay?” Carlos asked, peering at him. “What’s going on?”

“Tell. Me. What. Happened,” Earl choked out, panting and pulling at his collar. 

“W-well, I’m not sure…” Carlos started, dragging a hand through his flattened and knotted hair. “I mean, uh, I stopped at home to grab lunch, because I forgot to grab leftovers on my way out today and I didn’t want that fantastic vegan paella you made to go bad before we got to finish it…” Earl made an impatient, “speed it up” kind of gesture. “Sorry, but, like I said, I came home to get the leftovers, and Cecil sort of… launched himself out of the bedroom at me and begged me to… well, you know.” It was Carlos’ turn to blush.

“Uh-huh, uh-huh, and?” Earl nodded. He was scratching at his head and glancing distractedly back into the house. 

“Well, so, I mean, not so unusual, right? So I went along with it, and when we were done… I mean, it was like we hadn’t even started! And I thought, okay, well, maybe my technique isn’t at one hundred percent all the time, I’m not gonna take it personally, everyone has an off day, and he’s there crying and squirming around and pleading with me, so we went again. And again. And roughly three-quarters of another time. I’ve been in there all day! And it doesn’t seem to be letting up; I barely had time to text you. And, I mean, I’m good, but there’s only so much stamina scientifically possible, and all the toys need new batteries… You have to help me sedate him, I think maybe he’s been poisoned or there’s some sort of sex pollen, or… What exactly are you doing?”

“Huh?” Earl looked at him, a glazed expression on his face.

“What are you doing? Why are you sniffing the door?”

Earl blinked and shook his head, then grabbed him by the upper arms and looked earnestly at him. “We don’t have much time. **I** don’t have much time, so I’m gonna try to be as clear as I can. Cecil’s not poisoned or sex pollened, whatever that is. He’s in heat.”

Carlos had steeled himself to leap into action against whatever peril was about to befall him and his boyfriends, but when he heard the words coming out of Earl’s mouth, his expression changed to one of confusion. 

“Heat? Like as in a mating cycle thing? Can - can Cecil get pregnant? Oh, my god, we should get more condoms. I’m not ready for fatherhood, Earl, and where would we even put a baby?”

Earl groaned and pulled on his hair. “No, he can’t get _pregnant_. What do you think this is, one of his goofy slash fics?” He jabbed a thumb toward the house. “I thought you were supposed to be the smart one. He’s just in heat, and I’m gonna be, too, in a second.” He sniffed the air again and moaned, hands roaming over his chest. “I mean, can’t you smell that?”

Carlos shook his head. “No, what are you talking about? I can’t smell anything.” He sniffed at the dressing gown. “Well, I mean, I could use a shower, I’ve been engaged in pretty strenuous activity all afternoon, but I don’t smell anything unusual.”

Earl was pressed up against the door now, practically licking the glass. Cecil wailed his name, and Earl fumbled with the latch. “I — I’m sorry, I can’t — I gotta go… Your Early Bird is comin’ Cee, just wait for me!” He slid open the glass part of the door and ran directly through the screen, stripping off his clothes as he did. “Buy lube!” he shouted over his shoulder, dashing toward the bedroom, and Carlos could see him do a flying leap onto their bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day.

Just about 24 hours later, Carlos sat at the kitchen table, testily drumming his fingertips on the veneer. He looked up as Earl and Cecil staggered out of the bedroom, looking weak and exhausted. 

“ _Good afternoon,_ ” he intoned icily. Neither Cecil nor Earl replied. Instead, Cecil stumbled over to the sink and began to glug water directly out of the sprayer attachment while Earl grabbed a large jug of protein powder and started to scoop it directly into his mouth with his bare hands. 

“Why, yes, I slept fine, thank you for asking,” Carlos continued. “Except that I was on the couch, and apparently two silverback gorillas were practicing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu in the room next to me all night. Oh, and yelling for me to go to the all night drug store to get more lube. Three times. But other than that, I can’t remember when I’ve had such a refreshing night.”

Cecil winced. “Sorry, Bunny.” He put down the sprayer and went over to the freezer, pulling out two bags of frozen peas, handing one to Earl. Cecil set his down on the chair and sat down on it carefully, with a little hiss of pain. Earl stuck his down the front of his sweatpants and sat down next to Cecil with similar care.

“Yeah, sorry. And sorry about the screen door. And the bed. That’s broken, too.” He poked gingerly at a deep bite mark on his shoulder. 

“Agh, let me take care of that, before you die of septicemia and I have to clean up your corpse, too,” Carlos grumbled. He stomped away from the kitchen and returned a moment later with the first aid kit. He glared at the two men as he applied antibiotic cream and gauze to the wound. “What I don’t get, honestly, is why the two of you would keep something like this from me. It kinda is important to know if your boyfriends are prone to turning into sex beasts without notice.”

“I didn’t think I needed to,” Cecil pleaded. “I haven’t gone into heat in _years_. I didn’t know I could any more… I thought I was done with all that.”

“Yeah, and I only went into heat because Cee did,” Earl explained. “I shoulda been paying more attention, I probably coulda smelled the change in his scent a few days ago, but you know how my hay fever’s been…”

“Yes, and what’s this ‘scent’ business?” Carlos asked, closing the kit and sitting down again. His scientific curiosity was beginning to get the better of his pique. “You mentioned that before you decided to channel your inner Wile E. Coyote by running through the screen.”

“Wiley who?” Earl asked, and shook his head. “Never mind. Well, it’s just that Cecil has a very distinctive scent that changes when he’s in heat. Or scared, or happy, or sick, or whatever.” 

“And you do, too, Early,” Cecil nodded. “That’s how I knew you were home, and that you were, uh, interested.”

“See, this is what I’m talking about. This is **literally** the first time either of you have mentioned this to me,” Carlos said, quirking his eyebrow. 

“Well, yeah, the thing about that is, uh…” Earl rubbed the back of his neck, blushing.

“Well, you see, Carlos,” Cecil said, soothingly, “it’s that you don’t really _have_ a scent, and we didn’t want you to feel bad about it.”

“I don’t smell like _anything_?” Carlos asked, incredulously. “I don’t think that’s the case…”

“Oh, no no no,” Cecil said, holding his hands up. “You do, you smell really good, like lavender chewing-gum. But you don’t have a scent, per se. I don’t know anyone else like that. It’s one of the things that intrigued me most about you when we met. It’s mysterious.”

“Downright spooky,” Earl agreed. “It’s like I can’t tell what’s up with you, and that’s kinda cool.”

Carlos found himself smiling despite himself. “Well, I’ve never been terribly mysterious or cool before, so thanks, I guess. But this is fascinating! There’s a pheromone-based communication system shared among the native citizens of Night Vale.” He hesitated, then leaned across the table. “If you two don’t mind, the next time this… comes up again, I’d like to study the phenomenon. Not in a creepy way, but wow!”

Earl nodded. “Well, you won’t have to wait too long. The second wave is gonna hit in…” He picked up Cecil’s arm and sniffed his wrist. “About four hours?”

“That sounds about right,” Cecil agreed. He smiled shyly at Carlos. “But I think, if it won’t mess up your experiment too much, I’d like to have you participate.” 

Carlos’ smile broadened into a grin. “Sure, I think that can be arranged. Quantum physics tells us you can’t measure something without changing it, so I guess I might as well.” He laughed. “It’s going to be quite a night!” 

“Night?” Earl said, shaking his head. “Try a week. Give or take.”

Carlos sighed and hung his head. 

“Pass the protein powder.”


End file.
